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Canine Conspiracy

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Segment from Season 6 episode one or Part of Episode 94.

CanineConTitleCard

Characters

Synopsis

Odie is framed for stealing purses from women. Garfield helps to clear his name.

Transcript

Cut to a building with a sign that reads "Sam's Delicatessen." A woman comes out of the building carrying groceries as Garfield narrates.

Garfield: A week ago Tuesday Mrs. Ethel Feinblatt stops at a local delicatessen for a corned beef on rye, easy on the mustard, and a side of slaw. Suddenly, the unexpected happens.

A dog rounds the corner of the street and grabs the woman's purse in its mouth.

Mrs. Ethel Feinblatt: Stop! Help! That dog took my purse! Stop that dog!

Garfield: The purse snatching pooches, today on {Steel bars appear with logo in the middle that reads "The Garfield Crime Files"} the Garfield Crime Files. {Cut to a desk where Garfield is seated, dressed in detective garb. He is reading a piece of paper, which he sets down as he talks} Welcome to the Garfield Crime Files, where each week we bring you the story of some sinister lawbreaker {slams fist on desk} like Benny "The Celery Stalk" Burlap {cut a picture of a man resembling a stalk of celery} wanted for embezzlement, armed robbery, and buying a leisure suit after 1971. {Cut back to Garfield} Or Sam "The Spatula" Shmidlap {Cut to a picture of a man with a large, flat head} wanted for gambling, smuggling, and having one of those "Baby on Board" signs in his car window. {Cut back to Garfield} A couple of tough customers there. But today on The Garfield Crime Files {walks to file cabinet} and by the way, this feature is nothing like The Garfield Tales of Scary Stuff, let's get that straight. In this drawer is the Case of the Purse Snatching Pooches. {Opens drawer. Cut to the inside of the drawer, which contains some food items} Excuse me. In this drawer is my lunch. {Closes drawer and opens another one} In this drawer is the case of the Purse Snatching Pooches, and how this air-headed Airedale found himself in the midst of it. {Pulls a picture of Odie out} How could sweet, innocent Odie find his mug on {holds up a "Wanted" poster with Odie's picture with temporary tears in his eyes} the Ten Most Wanted Hounds List? For that answer, we have to go back to last Monday {cut to house} and this quaint suburban home. {cut to Jon reading over a list} Inside, cartoonist Jon Arbuckle was making up a grocery list.

Jon starts typing on a laptop.

Jon: {typing aloud as a printer prints} Cheese dip, chestnuts, chewing gum, chicken gumbo. {Camera zooms out, revealing the list's long length}

Garfield: The list was so long he decided to send his dog to the market just to pick up items beginning with the letter "J."

Jon: That's probably all he can carry.

Jon walks over to an eager Odie with the list.

Garfield: He gave the mutt money and the list and sent him on his merry way {walks out of door}

Cut to Garfield sitting on a sofa. He clicks on the remote, and a newsperson appears.

Newsperson: No leads in the string of purse snatchings allegedly being perpetrated by dogs.

Jon walks in.

Jon: Garfield, will you turn the TV off? I have to work. {walks out}

Garfield: I have to work, too. {voiceover} But while I, the cat, was hard at work, Odie was already halfway downtown. {cut to street} where unbeknownst to him, Mrs. Barbra Streisand, no relation to the singer, was just leaving Harry's Chicken Suit Emporium {woman walks out carrying a chicken suit} with her usual Memorial Day chicken costume.

A dog comes running down the sidewalk and steals the woman's purse.

Barbra Streisand: Help! A dog stole my purse!

Garfield:' The dog had almost made a clean getaway when he saw them. {dog stops, cut to a police car driving up} The police. In his panic, he dropped the stolen purse and fled into an alley. {dog drops purse and runs down an alley} Ten seconds later, Odie turned the corner onto Elm Street. {cut to Odie} "Some poor lady dropped her purse," he thought. He decided to see if he could find its owner and return it to her. {grabs purse} That was when the police spotted him.

Policeman: There's the dog with the purse! {Odie whines. The policeman get out of the police car and chase Odie} After him!

Odie continues to run away from the men.

Garfield: By now, even more confused than usual, which is pretty confused, the puppy ran madly from the police.

Odie runs by a cameraman.

Cameraman: Hey, dog, this way!

Odie runs across a street intersection where several cars make sudden stops to avoid hitting the dog. Cut to a van with two mischievous-looking men.

Garfield: A block away, two men were manning the phony plumber's truck.

Man: Joe! The ninth dog is coming in with the handbag. But the dog, he don't look familiar!

Joe: Ah, we got so many now you can't keep track. Just get him in the back and let's split.

Man: {opening back of van} Hey mutt! In here!

Odie whines in fear as the policeman continue to chase.

Man: I said in here! Hurry! {Odie hops in the van, and the man closes the door}

Policeman round the corner.

Joe: Ah, just act calm. They ain't looking for no plumbers.

Garfield: The trick worked {cut to inside of van, revealing five dogs with stolen purses in their mouths, including Odie} and Odie found himself an accidental member of the purse snatching pooches. {Cut back to house, with Jon pacing the floor} Four hours later, Odie still wasn't home.

Jon: Where could he be? I gave him $40.

Garfield: {sitting on chair} Never trust $40 to someone whose IQ is a lower number. Let's see what else is on. {clicks remote}

Newsperson returns on the TV.

Newsperson: Lead on the gang of purse snatching dogs. Mrs. Streisand, no relation to the singer, told our news crew:

Cut to Mrs. Streisand with a microphone held to her mouth by an off-screen reporter.

Reporter: What kind of dog was it?

Mrs. Streisand: It was small, white. Not very bright-looking, but at least he--he didn't get my chicken suit. {holds up suit}

Cut back to Garfield on the chair.

Garfield: Jon, we may be on to something! What am I thinking? Odie? Purse snatching? It couldn't be.

Cut back to newsperson.

Newsperson: An amateur photographer took this home video of the dog. {a picture of odie running with the purse is seen}

Jon: That's Odie!

Garfield: He's turned to a life of crime? {video is shown again} No, this cannot be. {jumps off chair} Odie is honest, true blue and decent. And he isn't smart enough to steal. {voiceover} And so the handsome cat, I, set out to find his--er--my friend. I vowed to search everywhere, from the highest mountain {Garfield looks over fence} to the deepest crevice of the earth. {looks down sewer drain} No matter what personal sacrifice, no matter what private agony, I vowed not to rest until I had cleared the good name of Odie. {Garfield comes to the men in the van, where the man is closing the door. Garfield jumps behind a nearby bush.} And it's lucky I found him a block and a half away because my feet were really starting to get tired. {cut to inside of van, where Odie is speaking to the other dogs} As we found out later, Odie had made the other dogs realize they were being used.

Dogs: We're being used! For crime!

Man comes by and opens the door.

Man: Okay, come on, yous guys. Everybody out. {dogs come out and trample the man} Hey! Help, Joe! The dogs are loose! The dogs are loose!

Cut to a nearby house, where Joe comes out.

Joe: The dogs are loose? What do you mean the dogs are loose?

Man: Just what I said! Let's get them. Especially that dumb-looking new one.

Odie runs by Garfield, who whistles. Odie walks up to the cat. He gives him an affectionate lick.

Garfield: Hey! Licking's a felony and you're in enough trouble already. Now, we--

Man: There's the mutt!

Odie whines.

Garfield: We run, that's what we do, we run! {runs away with Odie and is chased by robbers. They run into a nearby alley} This way, Odster! {runs through a door}

Joe: They're hiding out in that building there!

Man: We've got them trapped. {run through door}

Cut to Garfield and Odie. Garfield tries to open a door, but the door does not open.

Garfield: Locked! We're doomed! Hey, why are they chasing me? You're the crook. All right, all right, I know you didn't do it. And I know who did.

The two robbers arrive.

Man: Let me have the purse, mutt.

The lights turn on.

Joe: Hey, what kind of place is this, anyway?

Camera zooms out to reveal a large group of police officers.

Garfield: I believe it's called the 12th Precinct. {voiceover} The crooks were tossed in jail, the dogs were rounded up, and the purses returned to their rightful owners. {police officer gives purse to woman, who gives officer a kiss. Cut to a newspaper with the headline "Dog Helps Catch Purse Rings; Evanier Caught} The good name of Odie was cleared. {cut to inside of house, where Odie leaps into Jon's arms} And Odie was welcomed home despite the fact {an annoyed Garfields appears in the left hand corner} that he was without all my favorite foods starting with the letter "J." A criminal no more. {cut back to Garfield in detective garb, holding a file} That's it for this one. Be with us next time when we look into the Garfield Crime Files. {logo appears. Garfield pokes his head into view} We're going after the guy who edits movies for television. Talk about your evil criminals. Good night.

Trivia

  • The real life Barbra Sterisand is an Academy Award-winning singer, actress, and director.

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